Dear Kroger's Shredded Wheat

Dear Kroger's Shredded Wheat,

I really appreciate your efforts towards being better then Post's Shredded Wheat, howeva, you have utterly failed.

You are the cheaper choice, and I appreciate that in this economy. I also like the look of your box better than I do Post’s. Lastly, you usually do a great job of boosting the frequency of my BMs. But, regrettably, your flaws outweigh your sensibility factor, and I can no longer pretend that there is not a problem.

You are a wee bit smaller, which would be good except that your smallness gives the illusion that I'm taking a smaller bite than I actually am. This leads to some inopportune and frequent choking, and that's just not what I’m looking for at 6:55 AM. Also, you are a smidge on the bland side, even for me. You are utterly tasteless in every regard of the definition. I enjoy, at the very least, the tiniest hint of sweetness, and I’m tired of having to get out the honey and Splenda to tolerate your nothingness.

For all these aforementioned reasons and some that I have reserved for my own personal festering, I delight in telling you that after this box, I am done with you and will happily never give you another thought.

Best of luck with other customers,

-Boobookittyfuck