Pressure's a bitch

Pressure.

It comes in many forms; peer, atmospheric, water. And yeah, all those forms are necessary for the world to turn around, but mostly, pressure sucks. Figuratively; because obviously, pressure blows in ‘literal’ world.

But srsly, this would and could and should turn into a giant rant about how terrible the pressures of life are, however, this will not help me. I’m trumping a soapbox for an outlet.

Sue me

Pressure, for me, is something that all of a sudden overwhelms me till I can’t breathe again. It’s a creeper-pouncer. One dish here, one there, one far, one near, and then all of a sudden I’m like, Geezus Christ, do we even have a dishwasher?!

Bills are another creeper-pouncer thing… you have them under control, due on the 2^nd, the 6^th, the 15^th and the 27, and then poof, it’s the 23^rd, and you’ve not got any goddamn checkmarks on your monthly bills list.

The reason that all these things escape me is that I have no sense of the short term. I walk through one room and see a dish, I walk into the next room and see a dish, but I think, (one room one dish) X2. NOT there are two dishes astray from the kitchen vicinity. The thought never occurs to me until it’s too late. The same goes for bills. I’m never looking at that little checklist of things I have to pay.. I’m looking at the bank account amount subtracting all those bills in my head making sure that there is enough money in there to send away the check. God bless if I don’t just then forget to send the check…

But I have more to throw onto pressure subject. I’m studying for a major professional standardized test. My little life is ok right now shitty as kitty diarrhea right now. And I KNOW I’m not alone, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t feel like it. Member that little spiel I had above about not remembering things well? It’s kinda gotten in the way of …uh… REMEMEBERING THINGS…strange how that works, huh? It seems that the more that I have to worry about outside of the subject matter at hand, the harder it makes remembering anything at all. But, that’s logical, right? Sure it is.

But just like with the dishes and with the bills, I can feel the pressure building within me. And I actually am trying to see into the short term. I KNOW that it’s on its way, and I’m TRYING to stick my head in that book, and I’m TRYING to work all those tedious problems, I’m trying to use those equations in everyday public to stick them in my brain. I am actively trying to pick up any proverbial dishes that I see to keep them from building up and surprising me in the end, but I cannot. I can’t seem to put my mind where it needs to be, and the pressure due to both the test and my apparent #fail at studying is making me forget EVRYTHING.

By EVERYTHING, I mean, like how I normally act; what kind of a person I am. I know that two months ago I wouldn’t have a passive aggressive response to every-single-fucking-thing-I-heard, but now I do. In my head, the most hateful unruly things are twisting about. I suppose because choppy, pitiful, insult riddled sentences are about as dumb as anyone can sound.. my brain is trying to give me some sort of intellectual break. But, between that, and me forgetting literal objects in the tangible world, I’m one pissed kitty right now, and it’s all because of pressure.